All Black

I'm not in a good mood today. It resembles what I'm wearing: all black. From being sad to feeling bittersweet, and now I'm tired: physically and mentally.

The past few days here at the college have been interesting. There are upper administration changes happening, which means more changes. My dean has proposed a scheduling plan that several people have opted to use.

I haven't. I don't like it because it doesn't give me any flexibility. Also, it means that I'll likely have less of a life at all outside work than I do at the moment. Why do I want that?

In addition, there would be conflicts with whatever duties I have with student organizations. I am the lone faculty sponsor for a student organization, and this change would negatively affect it.

This morning, we had a birthday party. Since I was the last person to celebrate a birthday, I was in charge of today's party. I didn't get much sleep. When I arrived, I was in an irritable mood due to lack of sleep and a headache. I didn't want my headache compounded by people talking loudly in the lounge, which is something that often happens-- and often gives me awful headaches.

My dean mistakenly thought I had a hangover.¹ Sometimes she can be like that-- spouting out things I consider to be complete nonsense and then following things like that with other tidbits such as positions that might be open in the future which makes me think she wants people to leave the library, and sometimes makes me believe that I am not welcome at the college.

It's during times such as these when I actively go through job sites and see open positions that look interesting. For instance, I'm now overqualified for this position, but it's something I would have loved to have gotten some seven years ago. This public library system has been looking for an assistant director for quite some time.

I know the director has stated that she would like to retire. Having grown up in the library's service area, I confess to being intrigued; however, I don't want to go back home. I didn't feel at all comfortable there when I was younger, so why would I want be there again?

A little over three months ago, I applied for a position at another institution. I was a finalist and interviewed. My perception is that I did well. Unfortunately, I wasn't offered the job.

I believe I would have been a great fit. From what I understand, people were impressed with all the finalists, which is good for me. It had been several years since I last interviewed for a position.

Two weeks ago at the conference in Starkville, I met the person who was offered the job. My initial impression is that she should do very well.

When I've had days at the library like I've had today, it makes me wish I was at the other institution, knowing that while I would be making less money,² at least I would be happy. I'm not looking forward to being at work tomorrow.

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¹Of course, when it's the unmarried male, she assumes it's a hangover, but when it's a married female employee who is a parent, it tends to be the opposite.

²Not to mention decreased benefits.